Unexpected consultation fee from a lawyer

Unexpected consultation lawyer fee

A Kota Kinabalu lawyer’s dog, running around Kota Kinabalu unleashed, heads to Kota Kinabalu Central Market and steals a roast. The affected seller from the Kota Kinabalu Central Market goes to the Kota Kinabalu lawyer’s office and asks, “if a dog running loose because of the owner mistakes and steals a piece of meat from my stall, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog’s owner?” The Kota Kinabalu lawyer answers, “Yes, of course”

Lawyer consultation fee

“Then you need to pay me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today at the Kota Kinabalu Central Market.”

The Kota Kinabalu lawyer, without a word, writes the Kota Kinabalu Central Market seller a check for $8.50. The seller, having a feeling great because get paid, leaves with satisfication.

Three days later, the butcher finds a bill from the Kota Kinabalu lawyer: $100 due for a consultation fee.

Why you should marry a teacher

Should you marry a teacher

 

Should we marry a teacher?

Three Sabahan couples marry and stay at the Hotel GrandBorneo for their honeymoons, where they are taken care of by Ugou the bellboy.

The first man married a nurse working at Hospital Queen Elizabeth Kota Kinabalu. Ugou thinks to himself, “Nurses are known to be sexy and hot.”

The second man married a Tone Excel marketer operator. Ugou thinks to himself, “Telephone operators have seductive and sexy voices.”

The third man married a secondary school teacher. Ugou thinks to himself, “Poor guy, teachers are always nagging.”

The next morning, Dave reports to work at Grand Borneo Hotel and gets a room service call from the nurse’s husband. He sourly says, “Don’t ever marry a nurse. All I heard last night was ‘You’re dirty, you’re dirty.'”

Then, the telephone operator’s husband calls and sourly says, “Don’t ever marry a telephone operator. All I heard last night was ‘Your three minutes are up, your three minutes are up.'”

Later that afternoon, the teacher’s husband calls and happily says, “When you marry, be sure to marry a school teacher. All I heard last night was ‘We are going to do this over and over until we get right.'”

P/s : This is a jokes only and not related to any living person or dead. Ketawa-ketawa bah kita dulu.

Too much choices

Cerita lawak sabah

A guy goes into a restaurant and is greeted by the hostess, who asks: “Smoking or non-smoking?” “Non-smoking,” he replies. He is seated and the waiter comes over to his table to take his drink order. “I’ll have a Coke,” he states. The waiter says: “Diet or Regular?” “Um, regular.” “Caffeine or caffeine-free?” “Uh, with caffeine.” The drink is brought to his table and the guy orders his food. The waiter asks what kind of dressing on the salad, “Italian, French, Thousand Island, raspberry vinaigrette?” He says: “Italian,” and the waiter immediately comes back with “regular Italian or fat-free?” “Regular,” says the man, with a hint of impatience in his voice.

And it goes on, with the steak order: “how do you want that prepared, rare, medium rare, medium, medium well, or well done?” and “how do you want your vegetables: raw, steamed, baked, boiled, blanched or fried?” and “how would you like your potatoes: baked, French fried, or mashed?”

Finally, the poor man has had enough and looks up to heaven and shouts: “I can’t TAKE all these choices!” He then turns his prayer to his patron saint saying: “St. Francis, HELP ME—help me with all these decisions!”

At that moment a big voice comes booming down and says: “Assisi, Xavier or DeSales?”

For Diarrhea’s sake joke from Sabahan

For Diarrhea’s sake joke from Sabahan

There are three fellow looking for job at Sabah Electricity Sendirian Berhad or better known as SESB. SO one day they have been called for interviews. It turns out they have the same strong academic profile. So the SESB manager in charge of recruitment had some problem to choose one. So the manager asked the final question and whoever can answer the question and give a strong point will get the job. This is their conversation.

 
Diarrhea Woman
 

Manager: What is the fastest thing that happen to our lives in terms of things that we are doing?

1st Fellow: The action from standing to sit sir ….

2nd Fellow: The time we switch on the lights, just press the light switch and it will on …

3rd Fellow: The time we get diarrhea

1st and 2nd fellow burst to laugh ….

The manager gets angry with the 3rd fellow answers.

Manager: Why you answer that???

3rd Fellow: I think my answer is correct sir. If I get diarrhea, I will never be able to sit not to mention to switch on the lights.

 

P.s : This is a translation from Malay language. Hope you enjoy to read it.

Guardian angel of Kota Kinabalu

Walking down at Gaya Street in Kota Kinabalu, a man hears a voice: “Stop! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down and kill you.”

Gaya street jokes

The man stopped; a big brick fell in front of him. The astonished man continued walking to Suria Sabah.

The voice shouted, “Stop! If you take one more step, a car will run over you and you will die.”

The man stood still; a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.

“Where are you?” the man asked. “Who are you?”

“I am your guardian angel,” the voice answered.

“Oh yeah?” the man asked. “Where the hell were you when I got married last week?”

Kampung Danger dan pemandu teksi

Cerita ini berlaku di sebuah perhentian teksi.

Seorang wanita berbangsa Filipina menaiki sebuah teksi di Kota Kinabalu,Sabah.

Pemandu teksi itu pun bertanyakan kepada wanita tersebut “Cik mau pigi mana?”

Wanita Filipina itu menjawab “Sana kampung Dangir ya”.

Pemandu itu berasa hairan, kerana inilah pertama kali selama 10 tahun menjadi pemandu teksi, dia mendengar nama kampung itu.

Oleh kerana tidak tahu kampung itu dimana, dia bertanya sekali lagi kepada
wanita tersebut.”Di mana bah itu kampung Dangir?”

“Alamak, encik ni pemandu teksi baru ka? Itu kampung Dangir sana di
dakat kampung Likas bah, dakat itu tapak pembinaan bangunan kerajaan yang baru itu”
jawab wanita itu.

“OOOh di sana, bah mari la aku hantar kamu” kata pemandu teksi itu.

Lalu pemandu teksi itu pun menghantar wanita itu ke tapak pembinaan itu.

Kampung Danger Likas Sabah

Setibanya mereka di tapak pembinaan tersebut, wanita itu pun berkata “Nah kan, kamu tahu juga bah tempat ni, tengok papan tanda yang di situ itu ada tertulis nama kampung ini” kata wanita itu menunjukkan
jarinya ke sebuah papan tanda di situ yang bertulis “DANGER” (merbahaya).

Selepas kejadian itu, pemandu teksi tersebut tewas dan ketawa terbahak-bahak sehingga meninggal dunia akibat serangan strok.

P/s There is a lot of funny jokes in Sabah due to the multi ethnic in Sabah.

Kadazan moing patient

Kadazan moing

A Kadazan moing was very ill and his grandson went to visit him in the Queen Elizabeth hospital. All of a sudden, the moing began to breathe heavily and grabbed the pen and pad by the bed. With his last piece of strength he wrote a note, dropped it, and died.

The grandson was so overcome with grief that he forget about the note in his pocket. At the funeral, he reached into the pocket of his coat and immediately felt the note. He excitedly read it thinking it might be something he could recite during the service. It said:

Please don’t step on my oxygen pipe!!!

P/s Moing is a word in Kadazan and it means either grandmother or grandfather.The Kadazans are an ethnic group indigenous to the state of Sabah in Malaysia.

Legally dead

Kota Kinabalu High Court Jokes
The courtroom clerk of Kota Kinabalu Bar recorded this exchange between an anonymous attorney and a pathologist in a recent murder trial :

“Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?”

“No.”

“Did you check for breathing?”

“No.”

“So then, is it possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?”

“No.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.”

Even then, this would-be Perry Mason refused to throw in the towel:

“Is it possible the patient could be alive, nevertheless?”

“It is possible that he could have been alive,” said the pathologist, “and practicing the law somewhere.”

P/s This JOKE is a work of fiction. All character names, organizations, incidents and any other names, phenomena and such, are fictional as well.

Scientist experiment gone wrong

Some scientists decided to do the following experiments on a dog.

For the first experiment, they cut one of the dog’s legs off, then they told the dog to walk. The dog got up and walked, so they they learned that a dog could walk with just three legs.

For the second experiment, they cut off a second leg from the dog, then they told the dog once more to walk. The dog was still able to walk with only two legs.

For the third experiment, they cut off yet another leg from the dog and once more they told the dog to walk. However, the dog wasn’t able to walk with only one leg.

As a result of these three experiments, the scientists wrote in their final report that the dog had lost it’s hearing after having three legs cut off.